her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
