Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
