quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
