so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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