he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
