Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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