the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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