She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
