Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
