tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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