That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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