Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
