If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
