"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
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