it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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