If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
