she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
