Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize