Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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