I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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