He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
