are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
