Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
