3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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