I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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