you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
