There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
