I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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