K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So vagazzling was a success
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize