So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
