fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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