so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
