I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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