he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize