Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
