If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize