This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
