final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize