sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
