Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
