ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
