I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
