I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
