Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
