Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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