saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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