I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize