Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I will pee on everything he values.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
