I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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