whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
