I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
this is an emotional support booty call
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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