just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
