what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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