i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
