just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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