i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize