Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
