here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
