I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
