You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
