This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
