i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize