Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
