I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i think i have two assholes
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
