Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
