I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize