im drinking this country out of the recession.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
