My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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