i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
